And when our "side" misbehaves, we must point to where the other "side" misbehaved. "See they are no better than we. We should stand up for ourselves. They did it first so they deserve to have it given back to them." And if our "side" does something right, we must hold ourselves up as the infallible guide to which all men must look. How is this right? "To err is human", right? And "to forgive is ...." There are no true "sides." We are simply people with our own fears, ideas, and theories about how to make this world better, or how to reach for the divine. We need to see each other as people, with our own unique backgrounds. As a parent, when one child misbehaves, I don't bring the other child's instigation into play. Here is my dialogue, "We are not talking about your brother or sister's actions. We are talking about your actions. Who can you control? Only yourself. So control yourself out of the situation or out of the room. If you cannot avoid the situation, come ask me for help." Then, of course, in private, I will probably talk to the other child as well, because they probably need a correction too. But when addressing one misbehavior, we do not bring in a different person's misbehavior also. That is an unproductive blame game cycle.
When we take "sides" we put on blinders and keep ourselves from learning, growing, and empathizing with others. Let us take, for example, the Black Lives Matter movement and the Trump supporters. (I actually hesitate to give specific examples because I feel it will take away from the ability to apply to lesson to all of us, but these are relevant to our times right now.)
The Black Lives Matter movement has had some violent, wicked people co-opt it, and they are wrong. At its core, however, is the concept that some of our brothers and sisters have suffered systemic and non-systemic racism. That should cause all of us to pause and examine ourselves. Have we been guilty of perpetuating this stain? Or maybe just looking the other way? How should we act going forward? How can we "mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort"?
The Trump supporters have also been co-opted by violent, destructive people who do not care for democracy and peace, but rather "might makes right". But let us again examine only one of the core beliefs that is driving this movement in support of President Trump. At their core, our brothers and sisters are afraid that the voting process has not worked correctly. So, again, we should ask ourselves, are there concerns that should be addressed? Do we need to examine the voting process to make sure it is fair? Should picture IDs be required whenever we vote? How should signatures be verified? Have we made the mail-in voting system as secure as possible? Have we educated our students and our populace in how the voting system works? Do we need to include how to do statistical analysis in our schools or introduce systematic logic classes into our curriculums?
Maybe we should examine Republicans vs. Democrats as well. In each political party, there are people who are searching only for power. Let us get that point out in front right away. This is true. However, please open your hearts to the possibility that there are many in each party who are actively trying to make the world a better place, as they understand it. Democrats support abortion, you say. I can never support that. Well, to be clear, for the most part I agree with you. I will posit that there are certain circumstances where it may be warranted, but it should be a last resort. How does banning abortion help? It will only drive desperate people to seek desperate measures which may be worse than the first choice. (And, historically, under a Democrat administration, abortion rates tend to go down because they tend to make sure there are other contraceptive measures in place.) So, on the one hand, you may see abortion as an unforgivable crime. However, let us look at it through Democrat eyes. It could be seen as a compassionate option for those who feel they have no other option. Again, I do not see abortion as a best choice, but I can see how someone else feels it is a compassionate choice. Republicans only help the rich, the Democrats cry. Sometimes, it does look like this and Republicans should take the time to examine themselves and make sure that their choices for tax cuts and other money measures are not motivated by currying favor with anyone. However, Democrats, let us look at their choice for money measures through their understanding. In Republican understanding, making money available up front for people who work is a compassionate, and right choice. Democrats feel that money should be given to those less fortunate up front instead. Republicans see this as enabling people who are making poor choices. The point here is, that each side has a reasonable, compassionate point to make. When we choose a party, we constrain ourselves into a box that is increasingly difficult to leave. It keeps us from active listening and understanding. Without understanding the other person's convictions and background, how can we find common ground to build upon? We must hear others and we must hear outside of our own experiences.
There are many who will say I am naive and unworldly. Perhaps that is so. But what is better? To be naive and strive for better understanding of my brothers and sisters? Or to judge, condemn, create enemies, perpetuate tribalism, and to put on blinders to the concerns that others face. Given these two choices, I would choose the naive, because I may still learn something and be able to grow and change.
To return to the most important point, there are no true "sides". There are simply people, our brothers and sisters, most of whom are trying to do what is right, as far as they know. And how should we treat our brothers and sisters? With love, grace, understanding. Seek for compassionate listening. "Each man is my brother, each man is my friend."